Tag Archives: contemporary art

Artist Bio

What To Do When Your Brain Says “NOPE!”

Some spicy discussions are happening about what classifies as an actual disability, and when accommodations are reasonable just as we’ve tied up Disability Pride Month after a video of a distraught young woman shared an unpleasant job interview experience. She was allegedly yelled at by the interviewer after being asked if there would be leniency and accommodation for her time blindness. Being tossed around are accusations of faking disability when one is really just lazy, “this never used to be a problem!”, comments of how this younger generation has no resilience or willpower, and more.

I’ve worked with individuals with disabilities for over a decade now, and I can say that time blindness can be a very real thing. It is often a symptom of ADHD (though, nothing is across the board – I also know people with ADHD that are early for everything!). It is fair to say we are seeing more cases of ADHD now, which is why this and other issues may seem more common. Whether that can be linked to the different way we interface with technology compared to the past, diet, the fact that are school system is built upon making children sit in one room and listen to someone talk for 6+ hours, or other factors I’m not going to get into because I’m not an expert so what I have to say would mostly be speculation. I also think it’s fair to say we as a society are struggling with resiliency, but I’d also argue life has become exceedingly more complicated, and resiliency is really a moot point when your brain just won’t cooperate with you on a given task. I’ve had employees work under me who I would legitimately have to remind on a weekly basis when they were to come in to teach their class, even though they taught at 2:00 on Tuesday for example, the same time every week for 4 months. At first I thought they were putting me on, until I realized they honestly couldn’t get a handle on remembering their schedule, even sometimes after writing it down.

I have my own “stuff” as we all do, and I can tell you there is nothing more infuriating and painful than repeatedly being told you’d be better at something if you’d only try, when you have poured every fiber of energy you have into trying only to see no improvement. I have a funny little thing that is referred to in layman’s terms as “location blindness”. What’s interesting is, usually people that have this acquired it due to traumatic brain injury, but I just got lucky and have always been like this. I have the complete inability to retain directional information or orient myself in space. I have always had an above-excellent visual memory, so it isn’t like I don’t remember what different places look like, I just can’t fit the puzzle pieces together. It’s all details, no big picture. I have to use GPS to get to the same grocery store I’ve used in town for the past 10 years. When I was first learning to drive, I noticed things just weren’t clicking into place as I’d assumed they would, so I would study directions to places I frequent like one would study for an exam. It did absolutely nothing for this almost straight A student … I still couldn’t tell you how to get from point A to point B. If I get up in a restaurant to go to the bathroom, I have to very deliberately focus on the exact turns “right, left, right again…” that I made as I left my seat and repeat them in my head the whole time like a mantra or I won’t find my seat again, which is always super embarrassing. I recall asking my doctor about it and her saying though the degree to which I seem to have trouble is not as common, it’s not dangerous just wildly inconvenient.

Another struggle that’s a bit less important, wheels and I are not friends. I just barely learned to ride a bike without training wheels before junior high, and I never learned to roller-skate or rollerblade. I made renewed attempts during COVID lockdown when I had copious amounts of time on my hands, and made 0% progress sadly. I recall countless roller arena end of the school year parties growing up, because 90s kid, where I was sitting on the sidelines trying to look like I was having fun and well meaning adults would come up to me and say, “Well I feel bad that you’re sitting here by yourself, but we all make choices about what we want to spend time practicing …” If looks could kill, well …

Oftentimes I wonder if these two funny little mental blocks are related, as both seem to have to do with orientating oneself in space, one physically the other mentally. Who knows … The whole point of these odd little tales is to illustrate the fact that sometimes our brain just says “NO, I WILL NOT,” when it comes to certain things. It’s more difficult when the things our brain refuses to do are common skills that it seems like the majority of others have no problem with. Most people that don’t understand a mental block or question its validity aren’t actually trying to be jerks, they just honestly don’t know what they don’t know. And yes, it’s ok to ask for accommodations and sometimes it will be necessary. However, when we can come up with tools and tricks for ourselves to get around our brain’s refusal it’s not just about pleasing other people. Doing this will also make our own life way easier and less stressful. For my location blindness, aside from using GPS I can when possible check out new locations ahead of time if I have to be there for something important, and leave early enough to accommodate for directional errors or unforeseen circumstances like construction that may throw off my route. Saying “Well, I guess someone has to drive me everywhere because I can’t do this” would only hurt myself and my ability to have a life at all and enjoy opportunities both professionally and for my own pleasure. With time blindness, alarms and reminders can be set to assist with being ready. Even if you have to set 15 alarms before work in the morning, one for waking up one for brushing your teeth, another when it’s time to make breakfast, and so on to dictate the schedule of your whole morning routine… do what helps no matter how silly it may seem to other people. Conversely, when someone shares that they are struggling with something, believe them. There’s not really any logical motivation for faking a difficulty when of course we’d all prefer that everything came easy to us.

I had the wonderful opportunity to lead a community mural in Madison Heights for their ADA Pride Celebration the end of last month, the prompt being “If the inside of your mind were a physical place, what would it look like?” This concept really connects well to these thoughts I’ve just discussed … We don’t know what the landscape of each other’s minds looks like, so listening before assuming is always best.

I will be part of a show at Creative 360‘s satellite location in downtown Midland opening mid this month that celebrates neurodiverse creators and creators with disabilities, so if you are in the area be sure to visit!

What is a struggle you have that you wish there was more understanding about? Let me know in the comments.

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New Work

Fruits Series : Gentleness / Mixed Media Surrealism

A year later, I have finished the second installment of my Fruits Of The Spirit series, Gentleness. (Visit this link to view my first, Peace.) I certainly don’t plan to take an year to get to each installment of this 10 part series, but I spent 2022 dipping my toe into a lot of new things career-wise, and ultimately deciding what my personal goals were and how I wanted to go forward. I was also focused a lot on teaching art and developing curricula, which helped propel what I’m doing this year forward. Having time once again to revisit my own personal art has been like going on an exciting vacation, and I think I like this 2nd installment even better than my first! Below is a video in which I give some extra background on my thoughts behind this piece and the series itself.

Ever in love with mixed media, I used colored pencil for the face and hands, acrylic for the torso, sky, and water, ink for the birds and egg, and fabric for the mountains, sun, and flowers. The face, hands, egg, and bird were all one piece on mixed media paper. I finished this first, then cut it out and traced it where I wanted it on my canvas. Next I painted all the acrylic straight on the canvas. Once the acrylic was dry, I glued the paper piece down, and following that I used tracing paper to create patterns for all my fabric pieces and glued those on last. Gluing the paper especially is really a ‘trust the process’ moment. Even though I have done mixed media work like this so many times now, I always get nervous adhering the paper bits to canvas because there is a period while it is drying that it looks VERY wavy. It inevitably settles down once it dries, but that doesn’t help my nerves! For any artists out there looking to adhere paper drawings to canvas, I’ve found Aleen’s Tacky Glue works best after trying various super glues, Elmer’s, mod podge, special paper adhesive for scrapbooking, clear sealing mediums … After gluing I lay the canvas face down on a piece of vellum paper (to prevent sticking if any of the glue seeps out from the edges), and set heavy flat objects like books, boxes, etc. inside the frame to keep it pressed overnight. I use mixed media paper because it is a great base for any drawing medium and can even withstand a moderate amount of wetness, an important quality since I know glue will be involved.

I have started my 3rd part of this series already, and will try to be better about taking video throughout the process this time. Follow me for more updates as I go forward on this series, and I’m sure some other projects in between :).

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New Work

Happiest Places

Happy Spring, a time of new beginnings and new art! I had been working on this 3’x3′ piece since the beginning of the year, inspired by a photograph I took at the Japanese Cultural Center in town when I first moved to Saginaw. I used both metallic and traditional acrylics and fabric. Like my other mixed media landscapes, I chose colors that captured what I feel within the place I am painting, not necessarily the true colors from nature.

Most of my art is very heavy in symbolism and story. Those pieces are invigorating to work on, but every so often I need to draw or paint something where the process is more relaxing, and simply celebrates one of my happy places.

2023 has been all about finding my happiest places, not just physically but mentally as well. I had a series of consecutive high stress years that I didn’t even fully recognize as such until I reached severe, shutdown level burnout. I don’t think even the closest people in my life aside from my parents know how truly bad it got. Part of this stress was circumstantial and completely out of my control, but some of it came from the fact that I was trying to make certain parts of my life fit together that were just never going to, like that toy we give to toddlers where they have to fit the different shaped plastic pieces into the corresponding holes. No matter how long they try to push a moon shape into a star opening, it is not going to fit. One of the most valuable things I took away from therapy over the last 3 years was “Don’t live in the land of shoulds”. I had a constant internal dialogue of guilt and shame going, “___ shouldn’t bother me, I shouldn’t be so tired, I shouldn’t be getting overwhelmed, I should have ___ by now, I shouldn’t react like ___ …” There is really not much point ruminating over what should or shouldn’t be, because reality still exists and that energy is better spent doing what we can to change what we don’t like about it rather than chastising ourselves for how we are wired.

Starting in January, I made the big scary decision to make a career transition to entirely contracted and freelance work focusing mainly on different avenues of teaching, as well as other art and design related services. I read a short blurb I happened upon while scrolling before bed the other night that said we as humans basically operate under the assumption that everything is supposed to suck (“work isn’t supposed to be fun!” “life is hard!” “everyone is tired!” “no one gets to do what they want!”), but who decided that? Is this really the best way?

Don’t ever accept a life devoid of joy, but don’t run from struggle either. Yes, life is hard but we get to choose what kind of hard. Not in all circumstances but in many, we get to pick the “hard” that we want to deal with. I made a lot of pretty serious changes around how I spend my time this year, not only with the career switch but in the way I spend time socially as well. I’m an introvert/extrovert blend for sure but I do get some serious communication fatigue. I am no longer giving time to people out of feelings of obligation, and I am no longer wasting time on outings I’m not interested in just to please others. Never fear, I have actually not become a hermit! I still go out and do fun things and socialize, but I have a lot more energy and am a lot less stressed now when I choose to do so. These changes aren’t magic, things are still hard, but it is the right type of hard (for me) and that makes all the difference.

I love teaching in person, but not everyone that wants to learn some of my techniques lives in an area where this is possible so I am open to teaching private or group lessons virtually! If this is of interest, don’t hesitate to reach out.

What changes have you made lately that made you feel more joyful?

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New Work

Misunderstood Monsters & The Ugly Phase Of Art Making

Fragile, 16×12″

Being a lifelong lover of reptiles, I was always drawn to the figure of Medusa. Back in 1992 when Matchbox put out these fun little mini monster figures aptly titled “Pocket Monsters” that you could get inside cereal boxes, the Medusa figure was always my personal favorite.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t so fun being the real Medusa, cursed by Athena because Athena’s husband couldn’t keep it in his pants. I’ve always had an affinity for those fantastical beings that can’t be understood by a story told only in black and white.

In the pose I chose for her, she is attempting to shield others from that dangerous part of herself, but only halfway. Butterflies turned to stone hang in her chamber. Is it easier to be surrounded by lovely, inanimate things after what had happened to her than real living beings? Is there a hesitation before punishing others in her misery?

Over the last couple of months, I’ve been thinking a lot about anger. Do we ever have a right to be angry? Can anger be constructive? When we unleash said anger, where is the line? Does the motive behind our expression matter? These thoughts as well as another unrelated project prompted me to finally dig out this piece that I started a little over 2 years ago that almost ended up in the garbage. I had the background done which I loved, and also had shaded in the figure. The page was filled with color and the piece was supposedly “almost done”, but for such a powerful subject there was no feeling coming out of it, none of that indescribable “spark” that makes me love art. So, in my portfolio it sat.

Over this summer I was chosen to participate in an art exhibit titled “The Chair Project” for my local United Way. Each artist was given a subject for their piece that fell into one of the major areas United Way services, with a real story from a community member. I was assigned mental health, and ended up using a lot of this similar reptilian imagery in the final project. For more details on my process and the thoughts behind my design, please check out the short video.

I spent a lot of hours outlining tiny, detailed little scales in metallic paint marker and the process became quite meditative honestly. This prompted me to give my Medusa a second look, and at least finish out her hair. The metallic accents had done so much to bring my chair design to life, that I knew it would do the same for the Medusa. Enter, silver foil and jewelry findings to the rescue!

There can be a wisdom to knowing when to let go of projects that just aren’t working, but as I always tell my art students, you have to push through that ugly phase. Every piece of art has a period in the dead center or even late middle – almost complete where it looks like a complete failure. However, sometimes even the smallest adjustment can fulfill your original vision or even surprise you with a new one. In my case, this at times can happen years later. Perseverance and faith are huge parts of creativity. So, I implore you, keep that ugly art! – At least for a little while longer.

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Books, Music and Film

5 Favorite Movies About Disability

It’s Disability Pride Month! Especially in smaller US cities, this celebration often gets overlooked. For this year’s reminder, I wanted to share my top favorite films centering around disability.

Benny and Joon

Though I was just a tiny pipsqueak when this movie came out, from what I know this film was pretty progressive for its time. It presents an honest snapshot of the strain and sacrifice caring for a family member with a disability or mental illness can often entail without turning the cared-for into a burden or someone to be pitied, which is a delicate but important balance. It also ultimately advocates for independence and autonomy. These two misfits, both with brains that work differently than what is considered “normal”, end up crossing paths in a pretty comedic way that involves a lost poker game. Benny is calm, easy-going, kind hearted, and incredibly knowledgeable on antiquated and obscure film history. He can recall a plethora of dates and trivia about his area of interest, yet he can’t read or write. June is impulsive and intense, and can experience pretty severe psychosis if unmedicated but is verbose and well spoken, an intuitive painter with a genius level vocabulary. As the Benny and Joon grow together along with the other colorful characters in their community, this film shows how we all have strengths and struggles. No one is meant to do things alone. We need all kinds and we need each other.

Mr. Blue Sky

Another film that is a sort of love story centering on disability, this one is low budget and lesser known. I’ll be upfront, the intro credits look like they were done in Microsoft Power Point, and the acting is a bit after school special. It’s definitely independent. Still, it has over a 7 rating on IMDB, I believe because of the unique view of interabled relationships.  The premise involves a love triangle between a group of old friends that grew up together as kids. Very Hallmark, except for one detail … one of the two ladies involved has down syndrome. I don’t want to give too much away, but as the plot unfolded and the male character admitted his unconventional crush, even I had trouble wrapping my mind around it. I was challenged to ask myself why I found this confusing when they are two consenting adults who both have an understanding of their feelings. Challenging is exactly how I’d describe this film, and why I’ve thought of it often since first watching it last month despite the fact that it arguably isn’t the best made film in the world. Some stories just need to be told.

Best And Most Beautiful Things

Be prepared to be challenged again by this documentary. Michelle, our leading lady, is so vibrant and interesting you will wish you could hang out with her for a day. She is legally blind and autistic, and has struggled to fit in throughout her life only to finally find her place within the kink/s&m community. This documentary is not about sex. It’s about discovering your identity(ies) (we are all so much more of an “and” than an “or”), it’s about breaking barriers and assumptions, it’s about how people with disabilities are expected to live in a perpetual state of childhood and treated like they are all the same (For more on how people with disabilities can and do participate in alternative subcultures, see the fabulous Drag Syndrome). Seeing someone who loves who they are and just shines (I was an unconfident, self-deprecating mess at 20!) is a message we can all receive and apply to our own lives.

Special

Ok not a movie, but this show is just plain fun and has all the trappings of a hip, witty sitcom but the main character happens to be a gay man with Cerebral Palsy. What makes it so different is the genuineness of the situations and dialog, I’m sure because the starring actor is also the writer. Ryan O’Connell based the show on his own experiences. His mother is another major player in the story who had her own arc around caregiver burnout, yet still having a difficult time letting go when her son wants independence and privacy. There are plenty of deep, sometimes very uncomfortable situations explored, always with humor, grace, and dignity.

Margarita With A Straw

Hailing from India, this coming of age story follows a college student who travels to America to attend school in New York.  I’m going to get my one gripe out of the way early: I wish they would have cast an actress who actually had Cerebral Palsy. For insight into why this matters when “isn’t the point of acting to pretend to be someone else?”, see this short Ted Talk by Maysoon Zayid. If you don’t want to watch the whole thing skip to minute 7.

Like many at this age, the main character is finding who she is, discovering her sexuality and what she wants in life. She grapples with finding someone who finally ‘sees’ her, but still having romantic feelings towards someone else. It’s messy, she makes mistakes, she hurts people … You know, just like we all do sometimes. That’s kind of the point. Disability activism is also touched on which I think is great, as I wasn’t introduced to that world until I met some very cool people through my work … more about that at the end!

Eagle Vs. Shark

Ok, I had to add an extra one to the list because this movie is so under watched and just one of my beloved favorites. This movie was Taika Waititi’s directorial debut back in 2007, before he was a big old deal after working with Marvel. When people have seen it, they inevitably compare it to Napoleon Dynamite due to the purposeful awkwardness and quirky wardrobe, and this honestly annoys me to no end. This movie is so much more than eccentricity for the sake of eccentricity. Though disability is never mentioned, it’s pretty obvious the two main characters lie somewhere on the ASD spectrum. Amongst the quirk and whimsy serious themes such as grief, isolation, broken family relationships, isolation, trauma, bullying, and betraying yourself to be loved and accepted are all integrated into the more lighthearted moments.

Edit … One more! I was just about to hit post and I thought of another film that I just had add to the list last minute.

The Diving Bell and The Butterfly

This film is a true story about Elle magazine editor Jean-Dominique Bauby, who suffered a stroke and became almost completely paralyzed at 43 except for his left eye. It is based entirely on a memoir he wrote after the accident. How could he do this when he has what is called “locked in syndrome” (the mind still works as it always did but the individual is “locked in” to a body that can no longer move or communicate) and can’t speak? He and his speech therapist devise a system of spelling out words using a blinking system to indicate certain letters with his eye that can still move. I can’t fathom experiencing something like this. Beyond my astonishment at Bauby’s determination I don’t think I ever realized that speech therapists quite literally save lives. Throughout the film are also Bauby’s personal reflections on how different he became after the accident not just physically but spiritually and emotionally. Leading up to what happened he was … well, a bit of a jerk. He reflects, “Does it take the harsh light of disaster to show a person’s true nature?” It’s a tough watch, but always a creative soul, Bauby in his own way triumphs through what I can only imagine is unbelievable psychic pain, “My diving bell becomes less oppressive, and my mind takes flight like a butterfly”.

I had the most wonderful experience of hosting a disability pride party this year at my workplace. Our art students with disabilities shared stories and performances, and I could tell from the whispers and reactions of guests that people went home a bit changed, with a new perspective on people with disabilities in our community.

If you’d like to see more of what we do at Creative 360, please visit our online gallery. You can watch some of the performance footage in the Acting Gallery. My favorite thing about art is its power to unlock untapped potential, and its ability to bring vastly different people together.

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