Monthly Archives: January 2024

Art Discussion, New Work

New Art Discussion : Belonging

I had the opportunity end of last year to create a largescale piece of art for an animal themed show at one of the galleries where I teach. When the call was made, I already had a canvas prepped and had been planning to do something centered around a jungle scene anyway. I decided to take the original idea further and come up with a concept that would fit the upcoming exhibit. From the beginning I’d wanted to represent all of my “big cats” in the jungle scene as female, and have the piece exude an essence of feminine strength, power, and courage. In the end, I had a lot of trouble coming up with a title when suddenly the word “Belonging” popped into my head and just wouldn’t leave.

So, I ended 2023 completing a piece about strength and courage, and in the first half of 2024 I had two people lend me the same book within the same week, The Gifts Of Imperfection by Brene Brown. I supposed that meant I should probably read it! Within the first 30 pages, I learned the important fact that I am actually courageous, a quality I may see in the characters in my art but that was never, ever a word I would have thought to apply to myself. The introductory chapter explains the root of the word courage in the original latin as deriving from cor, meaning heart – courage originally meant ‘to speak one’s mind by telling one’s heart’. As the chapter went on to delve deeper into that concept, I came to the realization that I have been courageous all along and just didn’t know it because I was defining courage by cinema standards.

I have often joked with people that I don’t do small talk, I only do big talk. I love being around people, but I have anxiety and some sensory issues (the main reason why I never thought the word courageous could ever apply to me by default), and so my social reserves get depleted quicker than maybe the average person. I need regular intervals of alone time to recharge. I’m not going to waste my precious reserve talking about whether it’s sunny or cloudy outside when you could just look out the window or stick your hand out the door and feel it. I don’t feel like describing the minutia of what I did all day, or answering any questions that only require one word like “fine”. I’m not opposed to being friendly and polite, but for the most part I don’t understand spending energy in conversation that adds nothing edifying to either person’s life. At times, this tendency has backfired. Some people don’t want to hear about the interesting dream you had last night and what you think it means, or to be asked what was the most fascinating thing they’ve thought about today, what was the most surprising thing they’ve seen this week – and that’s ok. Some people are uncomfortable hearing about anything that isn’t sunshine and rainbows, and seeing the raw emotions of the people around them. That’s where the courage part comes in I suppose, going deeper you risk rejection and ridicule.

I am an open book and always have been. I honestly think I don’t know how to be un-authentic so I don’t always even have a choice, it’s just how I work! Over the last 5 years especially I have been candid with people in my life about the inevitable beauty of life, and the accompanying chaos. Through virtual communication like this and other means I’ve shared my experiences even with those I don’t know that well. I don’t shy away from letting others know how I am doing, including when I am struggling. I have been open and honest about what I need when I’m not getting it, about the tough choices I’ve made that everyone might not like, about how my relationships are going. I’ve learned to be mindful, and to allow my openness to be paired with purpose and deliberation after some communication missteps. At the end of the day though, my sharing something uncomfortable that I’ve experienced can help others going through similar things, and also open the eyes of people who may never have given that experience a thought so that they can look at situations around them with compassion and curiosity, not judgement and condemnation. Reaching out and saying, I am struggling because I have been working so hard and still don’t feel like I belong anywhere is the only way there will be any hope of someone else reaching back and saying, ‘hey, I may know a place where you would!’.

I believe that is why that word “Belonging” was stuck in my mind after I stepped back and looked at my finished painting. I don’t think you can make a true connection with anyone if you aren’t willing to show all the parts of you. Belonging takes courage.

At the opening reception, a fellow artist came up to me and shared that her child had looked at my painting and said ‘That girl looks like she would play with me’. Sometimes our art knows what it wants to say before we do.

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Artist Bio, Techniques and Tutorials

Happy New Year! Winter Watercolors And New Year’s Day Thoughts

2023 was overall a fantastic year filled with enriching experiences, but the last quarter, typically my favorite part of each year, definitely roundhouse kicked me in the behind. I ended the year with pretty debilitating burnout, and was already begrudgingly dreading the middle-to-end of the NEXT year because, why would it be any different? I’m sitting here like a big dummy changing absolutely nothing about the major pillars of my life.

We hear time and time again that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. A fear of stagnation is drilled into us, and especially in this day and age we are expected to always be doing something new. People that don’t like change or enjoy a particular routine are looked at as dull and uninspiring, lacking in aspiration. We are told if we get tired of something, or a particular job, relationship, etc. isn’t serving us then just drop everything and start over, and often face judgement if we don’t. Everyone sees the big changes, but no one notices those subtle, butterfly effect changes that can make a huge difference without completely blowing up your life (Disclaimer: Sometimes you do need to start over, trust me, I’ve been there. But not always…) I propose a little bit of advocacy for consistency, and sticking around long enough to get to the breakthrough.

This was a year of growth for me: growth in closeness to my family and friends both new and old; growth with my partner as we both became better versions of ourselves individually, and learned how to mesh these individual identities into a shared life; and growth in my career as the first year I worked as an independent artist. Growth is not linear. Not everything worked well. There was a lot of joy as I packed more different experiences than I’ve had in the last 5 years into one, but also a lot of tears. Much of 2023 was one big learning experience.

I grew my online business, took part in public arts projects, lead an art restoration project, taught art to just about every age and ability level in 5 different cities, and finally refurbished my unfinished basement and created an official home studio.

Some things I learned in my first year as an independent artist are:

  • Teaching is a key component for job stability as a traditional artist. I’ve seen other independent artists that are graphic designers make logos and web design their main base, but as a creator who only dabbles in the more techy stuff, teaching at local arts non-profits has been a consistent base especially once word of mouth spreads via happy students. Being involved as a contractor at larger organizations rather than only trying to teach private lessons or workshops independently has the added benefit of opening the door to other opportunities once that organization learns your skillset.
  • Be choosy about market venues. When it comes to in person art markets and festivals, I had been taking the approach of best value and high quantity. I ended up getting super burnt out as it’s no secret markets are a lot of work, and so many of the “Amazing, this venue is only charging 20 bucks to set up!” opportunities were completely dead with no customers. All those small charges could have added up to funds to afford the gas and booth fee for an out of town venue in a more populated, high traffic area for example. In 2024 I will be focusing on larger, more established markets, but maybe doing less than 5 per year rather than one every couple weeks. When it comes down to it, today I think in person sales are more about getting your face out there and talking to people about your brand than making a huge amount of money.
  • Your social tribe isn’t necessarily the same demographic as your customers. This is something really interesting I’ve discovered through my own record keeping and observations. I do a lot of upcycled clothing. Overwhelmingly, the women who buy my clothing are women 2-3+ decades older than me that enjoy having artsy statement pieces as a part of their everyday wardrobe. My juniors painted and fabric collage garments on the other hand take forever to move. Similarly, when I set up my art prints and mixed media work for sale at venues that are places I’d actually hang out (a punk rock music festival for example) I sold almost nothing, but when I set up at events that attracted a lot of customers that were actually quite different from me and my typical friend group, I surprisingly sold well! It is advantageous to pay attention to who is most excited about your work, and see if there are any common threads.
  • Take control of your schedule, and be intentional. One of the main reasons I wanted to go independent was to get a better handle on my anxiety level. I have always had an incredibly difficult time with not knowing exactly what my schedule will look like way ahead, or the idea of my day to day routine being controlled by someone else – that’s a big anxiety trigger for me, and though I’ve tried to work around it at the end of the day it’s just how my brain works. I was tempted to jam in every opportunity possible all over the place because realistically, sometimes things don’t run and I didn’t want to come up empty handed. I ended up with an erratic schedule that if a boss had handed to me, I’d have been really angry with them – but it was me who had done it to myself! Dealing with work that is not necessarily “guaranteed” can be nerve-wracking because, well, survival. Now that I have been able to observe what usually always ends up pulling through and what pursuits are a bit more of a wildcard, I can allow myself to say no to some things so that I can include other important things in my life besides just work.
  • Become familiar and comfortable with ups and downs. As implied, there will be times when everything is coming together and it’s one big achievement after the other, and times when things are really slow. It’s like this for any independent or commission based job, and you have to just expect it to happen and plan/budget accordingly to the best of your ability.
  • Resist marrying your value and identity to your job. This has been difficult for me anyway as discussed in a previous post. It is especially challenging for those that are in a creative field because so much of what we put out into the world through our craft is very personal. However, this tie is dangerous because during those times when work slows down or a project you were excited about gets delayed, etc. you end up taking it personally and feeling like you are a bad person or have a bad life, and it can color absolutely everything. A small or medium size setback becomes insurmountable. I love what I do and am passionate about it, but it is no longer the most important facet of my existence and that is normal and healthy.

I always do a small project for the new year inspired by the new Pantone Color Of The Year. This year’s was Peach Fuzz, which is honestly not my favorite. However, the soft, neutral orange color was perfect to add a warm glow to some watercolor winter scenes.

I hope you enjoy the quick demo, and have a wonderful start to the new year. Other working creatives out there, what are some things that you learned in 2023?

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