At a young age, I began to notice the different ways in which men and women were viewed and treated. Ever since I first voiced confusion at this incongruity, I was answered with more questions such as “Why do you have such an issue with men?” “Why do you think men should be treated as less?” etc., etc., etc. These questions always left me with the disconcerting feeling that I’d somehow been shot into a parallel universe unbeknownst to me, where words that you spoke meant the opposite of what you’d said. How does equality mean one being treated as less than? The math just didn’t add up. Especially as one that tended to have an easier time talking to guys or tomboyish women than other “typical” ladies, was best friends with her younger brother, and generally thought men and women were equally awesome; how ever did someone get the impression that I wanted to bring anyone down?
As it turns out, social research is finding that when we as a society get used to seeing inequality for so long, any steps towards even partial equality are seen in an exaggerated light. An article from In These Times critiquing the fear of a “feminized society” , an anxiety that apparently is somehow all too prevalent, hits the nail on the head as to how this phenomenon occurs.
“So how do you get from some feminism, some of the time, to a feminized society?
The heart of the problem is one of the strangest manifestations of male privilege: It actually seems to interfere with men’s ability to count women. Specifically, it creates a tendency to actually see more women—or hear more female opinions—than are actually present at any given time.
Geena Davis Institute for Gender In Media found that, in crowd scenes, women tend to comprise about 17 percent of any given crowd. She’s argued, based on outside data and her own interpretations, that this imbalance relates to and reinforces the way men perceive the actual number of women in any given room.
“If there’s 17 percent women, the men in the group think it’s 50-50,” she told NPR. “And if there’s 33 percent women, the men perceive that as there being more women in the room than men.” ” (By the way, love Geena Davis. I watched and re-watched A League of Their Own I don’t know how many times as a kid, and I hate all sports, especially baseball.)
This same phenomenon happens where speech is concerned as well. You know that whole perception of “Hoo boy, women sure like to talk, yak yak yak!” Turns out it is just that, a perception. In mixed company, and especially in a workplace setting, women may be hard pressed to fit a word in edgewise according to a PBS series on language myths.
This same thing happens when it comes to race as well. People are always in self-preservation mode, and fear that by lifting one group up the scales will be tipped so that they lose out. Or, I wonder if some don’t subconsciously fear that when we are all on an even playing field, they may sometimes get treated how they have treated the other for so long.
In reality, we are not living by the rules of the animal kingdom in this modern age. We are human beings with pretty solid cognitive and reasoning abilities when we choose to use them, and there is no rule that someone always has to be underneath the others’ foot. We need 100% of our society working together, and we need a collaboration of everyone’s ideas, not just 50% of the population’s ideas. By seeing each other for who we truly are, without the guise of archaic preconceived notions based on gender, everyone is lifted to a higher playing field.
This piece, titled “Once We Truly See Each Other”, is about support, and it involves men too. When striving for equality not just in our own backyards but across the world, it is a mistake to leave out men because they can be some of our biggest allies, and they are effected negatively by rigid gender expectations also. If you are ever in doubt of this fact, check out the completely eye opening documentary, The Mask You Live In.
In my piece, women of all ages and ethnicity are illustrated as doctors, moms, members of the corporate world, musicians … Men are depicted as businessmen, athletes, artists, stay-at-home dads… The 3 cliffs are symbolic. Sure, men have started out on a historically higher platform as far as societal advantages are concerned. But, notice that third platform, the third and best option of all. In the piece, men are partnering to pull the women up. From there, the women are also helping the men up to reach their full potential. Equality requires that we invest in the lives of our fellow human beings, men and women both.
To me, equality is about allowing every individual to reach his or her full potential, whatever that may look like. No, women are not “settling” by choosing to be stay-at-home moms if that is their dream and what is important to them. They should have that option. No, the woman who wishes to rise to the top of her company and expects to be respected the same as her male colleagues is not an angry pink Godzilla hoping to kick every man in the balls with her shiny metal foot. She should have the chance to prove herself free of prejudices. And by the way, the same goes for men.