It’s interesting to see how this blog has changed since its early stages, the one constant being a celebration of creativity and self expression. At the start I was focused on sharing current artists I’d discovered, and easy lesson plan ideas. Now, I find more of the focus to be on the journey of living this life as a creative person, mental health, and authenticity. I like that what I share has evolved to become more relatable to all folks, not just artists.

I don’t think I ever realized growing up that life would literally be just constant change. I was the kid growing up that wanted to know everything that was going to happen the next day, and had to be warned well in advance if any part of the “itinerary” happened to change, no matter how miniscule. As I am confronted with another unavoidable period of uncomfortable change, sometimes I wonder why I don’t seem to fit into any of the categories laid out before me, like a multiple choice exam where all of the answers appear to be wrong and there is no “none of the above” option.

As a woman, we hear the term “having it all” a lot. This all means that you have kids, a husband, family, maybe a pet, AND a career. That’s it. That’s what all means … 2 things. Yes those are two BIG DEAL things that take up a lot of time and energy, but still, that’s all we get is 2 choices? That’s absolutely crazy to me. I’ve known for a long time I didn’t want my own kids (though I sure do enjoy when I get to visit my new-ish niece!). At the moment, my career is a bit up in the air and I’m finding that I may not have the ‘boss babe’ personality or the workaholic drive I assumed I must have since I didn’t want kids. Doesn’t everyone get one or the other? I’ve discovered what I thought was career ambition was just hyperfocus tendencies in general directed towards an area of interest. If that interest is missing, then poof the vigilance is unfortunately gone. I get a lot of anxiety when my entire schedule and life’s structure is beholden to the whim of some other entity, and when I was working as a non-profit Program Coordinator though I liked being able to tell people I run something ;), I ended up super burned out on a regular basis. So, if I’m not a career woman and not an aspiring wife and mother am I nothing at all? [Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure men face a lot of these either/or black and white fallacies as well but I’m not going to presume to speak about something I’ve not experienced. If you’re a guy that wants to share an example you’ve run up against, feel free to share in the comments!]

Life is rarely clear, but I find it interesting that I can often find clues even within my own art. I see 2 mature ladies created in 2017 and 2020 that are confident, joyful, and at peace, on their own, within themselves. I identify with them, and think that could be me one day. I see a woman whose tears are butterfly wings (The original is currently hanging at Studio 23!), created in 2019 during one of my toughest periods of significant change, pain and evolution hand in hand. I even noticed the concept sketch for my newest installment in my current series, titled “Patience”. Seeds to a great tree are in hand, as the figure imagines what may one day be.

I’m finding that in order to successfully manage change, growth, and any sort of patience I can’t try to look at myself through the generic lens our society tries to use to discern who belongs where, or I just end up seeing myself distorted and confused like looking in a funhouse mirror.

If the answers don’t fit, sometimes I have to use a giant purple crayon to write in a new one, or at least that is how I like to imagine it.